Just when you think you’ve finally gotten over an ex, BAM! A wild text appears. But fear not, your zodiac sign holds the key to your reaction to this alarming ambush. Whether you’re a fire sign or an earth sign, we’ve got your playbook right here.
1. Aries
Aries, when an ex reaches out, you shoot back a message faster than you can say “bad idea.” The actual text? It’s a confusing mix of “I’m doing AMAZING without you” and “So, wanna grab coffee tomorrow?” You’re ready to either rekindle the flame or start a bonfire with their belongings—there’s no in-between. You asked your friends for advice, but you’ve already planned your revenge before they’ve had a chance to reply.
2. Taurus
Taurus, you stubborn one, you. When your ex reaches out, you’ll stare at the message for a solid week, pretending it doesn’t exist. Then, you’ll go through a whole thing that looks like drafting 17 different responses, each more passive-aggressive than the last. You’ll consult your plants, your pet rock, and anyone who will listen. When you finally do respond, it comes off as nonchalant even though it took more effort than climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro.
3. Gemini
Gemini, an ex reaching out is like Christmas morning for your drama-loving soul. You respond with a novel-length text covering every topic from your recent existential crisis to your new smoothie recipe. We wouldn’t be surprised if one second you suggested a friendly catch-up and the next started going off on them for forgetting your dead pet’s birthday three years ago. You’ve sent 14 follow-up messages before they’ve even finished reading the first one.
4. Cancer
When an ex crawls back into your inbox, you crawl even further into your shell. On the outside, you’re all “New phone, who dis?” But inside, you’re already planning your wedding/revenge (it’s a fine line). You’ll respond with a message so layered with subtext, it would take a team of CIA analysts to decipher its true meaning. You’ve already called your mom, your best friend, and your therapist—in that order—to dissect every possible meaning behind their “Hey, how’ve you been?”
5. Leo
Leo, an ex reaching out is the perfect stage for your one-person show. Your response is a carefully curated highlight reel of your life since the breakup. You casually mention your promotion, your recent tropical vacation, and how you’ve taken up parkour (even if the only leaping you do is to conclusions). Your message is peppered with subtle brags and not-so-subtle jabs, all wrapped up in a “wish you well” bow. You’ve already updated all your social media profiles and posted a particularly flattering selfie, just in case they decide to cyber-stalk you.
6. Virgo
Virgo, when an ex reaches out you reach for the virus-scanning app—you have to make sure it’s actually them! Once you’ve confirmed, you’ll spend the next 48 hours crafting the perfect response. You bet your bottom dollar your reply is an ideal mix of proper grammar and carefully chosen words. You’ll point out the three grammatical errors in their message while simultaneously psychoanalyzing their reason for contacting you. By the time you hit send? You’ve already cleaned your entire house and alphabetized your old magazines…twice.
7. Libra
An ex reaching out sends you into a tailspin of “should I or shouldn’t I?” You’ll write, delete, and rewrite your response more times than you’ve changed your outfit today (which is saying something). Your final message is so perfectly balanced between friendly and aloof, that your ex will be thrown off kilter. Unbeknownst to them, you’ve already created a pros and cons list for getting back together, breaking it off completely, and every scenario in between.
8. Scorpio
Scorpio, when an ex comes back into your life, your reply is a masterclass in subtle intimidation. You’ve already done a deep dive into their social media, ran a background check, and possibly hired a private investigator (and that was all before responding with a cool “Hey.”). Your message is laced with inside jokes and veiled references that only they would understand, leaving them both nostalgic and slightly terrified.
9. Sagittarius
Sagittarius, an ex popping up in your messages is a rain cloud on your parade. Your response is a barrage of all the amazing things you’ve been doing without them. You casually mention the three countries you’ve visited, the new language you’re learning, and the circus skills you’ve mastered. You’re genuinely excited to catch up with them, but you’re also ready to shoot off on your next adventure mid-text.
10. Capricorn
Capricorn, no surprise here—when an ex tries to sneak back into your life, your response is as calculated as your five-year plan. You’ll reply with a message so professional, it could be mistaken for a LinkedIn request. You casually drop hints about your promotion, your new car, and how you’ve finally killed it at adulting (meal prep anyone?). Your response is so composed, your ex will be left wondering if they’ve reached out to a former lover or their old boss.
11. Aquarius
Aquarius, an ex reaching out is a blast from the past you’re not entirely sure you want. You’ll reply with a message that somehow connects their “Hey” to the mating habits of sea slugs and your theory on parallel universes. You’re equally likely to suggest meeting up to discuss the simulation theory or to completely forget to respond because you’ve gotten distracted by your latest world-changing invention. Either way, your ex is in for a wild ride.
12. Pisces
When an ex comes back to you, your emotional floodgates open faster than you can say “I still have your hoodie.” Your response is a poetic stream of consciousness—you’ll dive deep into your feels, reminiscing about the good times, apologizing for the bad, and somehow ending up discussing the metaphysical nature of love. You’ve already imagined your entire future together (or apart) based on their choice of emoji.